How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize