You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
smell my finger.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
