ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
BRING THE BAGELS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
