I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
