my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
