i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Randomize
