As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
