They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
