Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
