I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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