last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The best revenge is premature balding
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
