I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
