they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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