hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
