This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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