Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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