i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
