It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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