She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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