I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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