My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
