So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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