I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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