For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
