just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
