The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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