Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
