he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
