Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
