I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
