I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
