i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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