Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
