He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Houston, we have a blender
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
