So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
