This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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