Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
