I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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