woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
