The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
