I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
