you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
