If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
