I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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