walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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