turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
