The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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