I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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