I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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