Michael Bay diarrhea
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
