good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
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You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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