Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
