what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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