you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just had sex on a roof
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
