I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
