he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning