i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
