I have demons in me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
