I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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