Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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