if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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