She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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