wrigley field is MILF paradise
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
