First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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