$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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