sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he puts the penis in happiness.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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