i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You ruined the universe
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
