I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
