took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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