my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize