Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
