So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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