So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
