I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize